1 post tagged “peacefulness”

Our son was due to be born on February 14th, 2008.  He arrived on Thursday, December 20th at 4:26 p.m.  One day too early for the Winter Solstice (it's *usually* on the 20th, but not this year).  He also will celebrate his fourth birthday one day before the Maya end-date of December 21st, 2012 (http://www.greatdreams.com/2012.htm).

The doctors and midwives said he was due 2.14.08.  Everyone else who saw me said he would arrive between the end of December and the end of January.  Well, since he arrived at the end of December, the doctors say he was born two months early.  So we have to feed him Similac NeoSure until he's in the 50th percentile of the age/weight chart (which I swear is based on the new fucked-up birth weights caused by rBGH and soy which so dominate the diets of Americans today that it's easier just to say it's all normal than to try to get people to eat responsibly or to convince the FDA to act in the best interest of the citizens).  Well, he's only in the 5th percentile.  The formula gives him gas and constipation.  Not exactly colic (yet) but very uncomfortable for him.  As of two weeks ago, he is no longer on a schedule and he's eating *much* more than he was.

I finished some chores this afternoon and lay down in the twin bed pushed up against the other twin bed, in which my fiance (henceforth called S.) was playing F.E.A.R. on the laptop (a game I love but will never get to play because S. has no interests other than movies, tv, video games, comics, and our son).  Our son (henceforth called R.) was (finally) napping in his crib.  So I begin to relax my thoughts and have what I'll call an uncontrolled daydream.  It wasn't a vision and it was a fantasy.  I saw myself sitting quietly on grass with trees around me.  It may have been a park.  An older R. (4 or 5 years old) trots up to my side and asks me why I'm being so quiet.  I tell him I'm listening.  He asks what I'm listening to because there's nothing but quiet, there's no sound.  I tell him that I'm listening to the wind in the leaves and I tell him that there is always sound.  There has not been silence for many, many years.  I tell him that a very long time ago, silence was all that was.  Then life happened and it made sounds.  The sounds were always there, but for the most part they were soft and harmonious - they belonged together in their places and sounded nice.  Then humans came along and brought machines and electricity to every part of Earth we could, and there hasn't been peacefulness since.

That was it.  I never got my nap.

Now S. is napping on the bed with R. beside him at my feet and I'm going to make a bottle and bring it up to the room for later, so that we can watch a movie.  Or I'll just go to sleep myself.