2 posts tagged “bi-polar”

Saw doc on Wed. Rx'd me 90 mg Cymbalta at bedtime and 25-50 mg Seroquel at bedtime (my choice), and as needed during day.

S. couldn't wake me Wed. nite to feed R. I don't even remember him trying. I couldn't wake up on time Thur. morn. Was late to work. Took my 15-min. break to nap, and overslept. Overslept at lunch. Was anxious and irritable toward end of day. Couldn't think straight or comprehend much, was twitchy, etc. Took 12.5 mg Seroquel at 6:30 pm before going to store for essentials with S. and R. (payday). By the time we returned home, I couldn't hold R. and was ready to drool.

Thur. nite I took 60 mg Cymbalta and 12.5 mg Seroquel.  Slept through, don't remember S. trying to wake me to feed R. Do remember bits and pieces of the time between 5 am and 6 am. S. calling me names, making empty threats, and he kicked me once. 6 am I was able to wake up (which is my regular wake-up time). Was at work early (7:30) so went to sleep on couch in ladies' room. Slept 'til 8:15 (15 min after my start time). Was a little drowsy in the morning. Felt normal (wow!) until about 12:30 so I took 12.5 Seroquel. Took lunch, overslept. Felt drugged until about 5:30. My body was slow and I had no expression on my face, but I was anxious and irritable inside. Like wearing a cloak. 2:00 took 30mg Cymbalta hoping to restore some balance. Nothing. Pissy when I got home. Felt self-destructive (like drinking) and wanted to make everyone else angry.  I was angry.

Left doc message.

She called back. Said to take 60mg Cymbalta 2x daily (my dosage before preganancy).  I'm going to see how that works. If my anxiety is terrible or if I have mood swings while on Cymbalta, I have to call the doctor who will be covering for mine while mine is away. In that case, my doc will have left instructions for "plan b" which adds Risperdal to the Cymbalta. Drugs.com says, "Risperdal is an antipsychotic medication. It is an "atypical antipsychotic". It works by changing the effects of chemicals in the brain. Risperdal is used to treat schizophrenia and symptoms of bipolar disorder (manic depression). It is also used in autistic children to treat symptoms of irritability."  If it comes to Plan B, I'll be starting out with .25mg, although I don't know at what time of day.

"Plan C" will be Depakote. Drugs.com says, "Depakote affects chemicals in the body that may be involved in causing seizures. Depakote is used to treat various types of seizure disorders. It is sometimes used together with other seizure medications."  I vaguely remember this period in high school.  An anti-seizure medication for bi-polar disorder/anxiety? I still don't get it.

It turns out that the wonderful drug Cymbalta that worked so well for my bi-polar disorder pre-pregnancy, no longer works.  It made me feel human, so that I was still able to experience all of the emotional responses to things, but at reasonable levels... or whatever.  Sheesh.  It's so not working now.  I can't think of words that I need to use.  I'm intelligent!  I can't even think straight, let alone express myself clearly.  Explanations for *anything* need to be delivered to me more than once.  I've had a crappy memory for a long time but this is in one ear and out the other.  Like talking about Wall Street to Paris Hilton.  My body's twitchy and my moods are rampant.  I feel like crawling out of my skin.

I told the Psych about this and she said that at our appointment on Tuesday she will add some anti-psychotic to my Cymbalta.  WHY???  Listen, I can get my anxiety under control.  I've done it before.  Meditation and breath work.  I need a bi-polar specific medication!  I don't trust drugs from drug companies.  I've gotten all of my other "problems" under control without meds before.  But the bi-polar is real.  It's a chemical imbalance.  I need drugs for that.  I just don't look forward to going through the withdrawal of one med and the initial side effects of a new one.  I hate that.  I have a 3 1/2 month old son to care for and a fiance to be fair to and understanding of.  It isn't as thought I can come home from work and do art or read all night until I fall asleep to ignore the side effects.  That's what I used to do.  Now I have to suffer them while trying to function normally.

Oh, and here's something interesting.  I have a tooth infection and I had an abscess eslewhere and so I'm on antibiotics (which always wreak havoc on my body, inside and out) and generic Vicoden (sp?) (which I'm allergic to), and the hydrocodone makes me feel the way Cymbalta used to.  Strange, huh?

Anyway, baby R. is crying.